You Haven't Seen Anything Yet

Sometimes God takes you on a grand adventure. He remembers the things he made you to love and makes real a life you dreamed about as a kid but never thought you’d be brave enough to live. He introduces you to people who make the days holy and places that fill you with life. He is so present in your every minute you can’t help but live in a state of overwhelm at his goodness. You walk hand in hand, step by step. He is your father and he is with you always; this truth has never been so real until now.

 And God whispers, “Oh, my love. You haven’t seen anything yet; you don’t know how good I get”

You settle into this new adventurous life and you start to wonder if this is really where you’re supposed to be. It felt so right in the beginning but now things are getting difficult and God doesn’t feel so close anymore. Every step feels fought for, and while there’s still so much hope and goodness in your life, your legs are starting to grow weary. You knew God never said it would be easy but you always counted on him being there like he was those first few months. Now it seems you keep losing him in the crowd.

And God whispers, “Oh, my Love. You haven’t seen anything yet; you don’t know how good I get”

There are mornings you wake in your cold apartment and your first act is to pray for a break. You find bits of that magic hour sunlight that filled your days before but it’s mixed with long periods of being tossed around by waves made up of a complete lack of understanding. You’re being asked to do increasingly hard things and it’s messing with your heart. Because where is God in all of this? Why would he only hang around in the good and then give you the slow fade when it gets hard? In a fit of anger, you look to God and say, “fine, I’ll do the things you want me to do but I’m going to do them my way since you’re too busy to help me.” You stubbornly fight your way to success but run yourself into the ground in the process. You lay in bed, unable to even get up and you begin to wonder if you missed something along the way.  Maybe God didn’t leave you…maybe you left him. Maybe he’s been right here all along, knocking on your heart but you refuse to let him in...

And God whispers, “Oh, my Love. You haven’t seen anything yet; you don’t know how good I get”

Just when you think you’ve done enough on your own to satisfy him and begin to prepare yourself for the journey back from battle, God leads you into a pit filled with rolling, thick, white fog that clings to your lungs when you breathe it in. It feels like your whole body lives in this mist of unknown, constantly on edge, fueled by a strange combination of good intentions and anxious thoughts. Every day, no, every breath is met with questions, “God, what are you doing? Why can’t I see you, feel you, or hear you? Where are you?”

And God whispers, “oh, my Love. You haven’t seen anything yet; you don’t know how good I get”

And then your humanness breaks. The anxiety becomes too much and you’re frozen in that foggy pit. You’ve tried so hard to make God and everyone else believe you had everything under control but all you have is a shattered heart behind a barricade of iron shame. With tears on your face you look down at the place where your knees meet the carpet and realize your hands are much too small to try to do it all by yourself. You begin realizing that maybe God brought you here because this is the adventure where he got to do great things, not you. That maybe this is the place where you meet yourself, not the you crafted out of poetic words and hard labor, but the soul he stitched together before he set the world to spin. Your face meets the floor and you tell him you’re done, you tried but you can’t and you don’t want to do it by yourself anymore, that this life is his again. With a rush, the peace you read about, the one that surpasses all understanding floods in and the world feels a little less on your shoulders.

You realize that even though this free fall of faith might feel more like stepping off of a cliff of doubt, there was a plan the whole time. Plans for hope and a future by a God who delights in seeing things begin. Plans to grow you, and show you who He is because that’s the only way to really know who you are. Plans to tear down every wall that you never even knew you built in an effort to keep what is left of you intact while knitting that battered heart of yours back to its original rhythm. Plans to love you more than you ever thought you could deserve. And finally his message sinks in; he brought you to this place of struggle because he needed you to know that he never wanted to break you, he wanted to build you.

You’ll get off the floor and realize you’re standing on a foundation of trust that was laid in those hard years. With a prayer of thanks for all that he’s doing in the fog you’ll whisper, “Oh, how you love. I hadn’t seen anything yet; I didn’t know how good you were going to get”

StoriesJordan Gage