Thoughts on Micromanaging Life
During my junior year of college, I started writing Philippians 4:13 at the top of every test I took.
Every test. It gave me confidence, reassurance, and technically someone to share the blame with should the outcome not go as expected.
Though now, I look back and wonder – how much was I actually trusting God versus myself? Of course, I had to prepare for the exam and study, but at the end of the day, was I writing something that I wholeheartedly believed?
As we all know, there’s no life “test” where you can write Philippians 4:13 in the margins – our actions have to show it. And the reality is that there are seasons of life when our human nature makes trust feel like a gamble.
In fact, I’ve recently realized I’ve been attempting to run through this season at a ratio of 40 percent God, 60 percent me. The result? Trying (unsuccessfully) to juggle a demanding work schedule, family, friends, the unfortunate stress of the holidays, and my own well being. As you might imagine – I fall into bed each night, hands clasped, praying yet again that tomorrow is a new day that I can give to the Lord.
However, these last few months of being stretched thin have taught me a lot about God’s sovereignty. The weight of the world is heavy. Taking it all on is not only unfeasible, it’s exhausting! However, when I can let go and take a step back, I find I can breathe—my ideas, relationships, and situations fall into place (even if it’s not how I expected).
What does stepping back look like for me? I’m still figuring that one out. But I’m starting with a lot of conversational prayer. Letting down those walls and freely giving Him all my thoughts and words – even when they’re crazy, hurried, and grammatically incorrect ;).
I’ve always been a type A, performance-driven person. My Myers-Briggs personality type is ENFJ – I’m a people pleaser through and through and most times do everything in my power to keep my agenda on track and my life organized. So, letting go is hard for me, but oh so necessary.
As we near the end of 2016, I’ve been trying to put some new habits in place that I can carry with me into the new year. The first on my list? Stop micromanaging every little detail, and as they say: give it to God.