When I Truly Found Love
Okay, I am going to talk about something that I do not think that I have ever admitted to anyone, but here it goes: I expected to immediately meet a guy in college with whom I would fall madly in love and live happily ever after. And, to be quite honest, I think that many young women like myself can relate to a time in life when the desire to find a special someone becomes quite apparent and strong. The desire can even become all-consuming, as it can constantly pull and nag on one’s heart—at least this was the case for me.
Though love in and of itself is a glorious thing, the idea of love—rather than the act of truly loving and finding the correct special someone—seemed to override my judgement as I tried to find a guy to “love” my freshman and sophomore years of college.
I remember countless times during my freshman year saying to some of my closest girl friends, “I just wish I was in a relationship right now!” or “Wouldn’t it be nice to cuddle with a boy tonight?” or “What do you think of so and so?” I just wanted to be “loved” by a guy in a way that, yes, I had experienced in the past, but that I thought would fill the huge gaps in my heart and soul. I thought a boy could fill the pain that I had amassed from various previous hardships in my life, but, ah, a boy is never the answer to pain. And until recently—about three months ago—I spent most of my college career yearning and searching for this “love” to fill my heart and make me “full.”
What I did not expect receive, however, was a moment of realization—a time in which I was humbly reminded where true love stems. This time of realization came to me a few months ago. From this intrusion, I was able to reassess the areas in my heart that were strongly yearning for “love.”
Simply, I was looking for “love” in all the wrong places—places and individuals that would never be able to fulfill the desires of my heart no matter how earnestly they tried. Thanks to this humble reminder, I learned that my heart was yearning for something that could never be found here on this Earth—I was aching for something quite out of this world. What I was aching for was the Lord—the most perfect being.
1st John 4:8 tells us that “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” I have known this all along, and, yet, sometimes I try to convince myself that love is found elsewhere. However, when I look in a different direction for this affection, I have always found disappointment. But with the Lord, never—never have I been disappointed.
I needed this intrusion by God. I needed to be reminded where my worth is ultimately found, and I needed to be cleansed and purified from the bottom of my heart and placed back on the track from which I had seemed to fall so far.
FYI, I still want to share life experiences with a special guy; however, now I am in a better and healthier place in my life to do so. My heart has been purified and turned towards the the ultimate source of love. And it is only through this turning towards the true source of love that I know I will be able to truly love those around me, and eventually a special someone.